ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize