A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
