we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
