she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
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