Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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