wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
