i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
