..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
