Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
