That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
