I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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