apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Two words: blizzard sex
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize