why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
