Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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