I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
