By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
