after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
