Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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