It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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