I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
