3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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