then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
