i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
