I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
