i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
