I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
