Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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