just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
