When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
