bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
