I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
