Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
