You're my little dorito
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
