His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I see more hoeing in ur future
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
