I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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