my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
