He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
