My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
