i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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