A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
