it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize