Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This is my gift to your gina
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
