I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
