We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
