I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
