well I can't set my house on fire every night
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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