I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I have surprise drugs for everyone
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
