Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
why do cheetos always look like penises
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize