I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
