This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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