I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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