Sponge bath it is.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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