I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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