I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
