He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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