Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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