he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think people are normalizing furries
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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