She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
