Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
