you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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