i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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