pedialite and red bull = repair kit
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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