Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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