I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
