if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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