I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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