Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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