Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
