The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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