cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
