and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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