Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
