I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
PANTIES FOUND
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
