Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
