I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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