Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
