I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
