Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize