don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
