were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
