there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
