I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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