Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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