Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
