Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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