I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
