it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
