If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
