I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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