Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
