Acid is not a monday night drug
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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