One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
