also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
