Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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