Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
