my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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