I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
