Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
