went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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