Im at strip club and am horny
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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