I cannot find my penis.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
