bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
