Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
