i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
