i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
