a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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