i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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