Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Randomize
