I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
