why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
