I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
