my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
