enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
