thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
