just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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