I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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