just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
